One of the most difficult things we have to face with in our life is death
..... our own death and the death
of those we love.
It is because we do love, that losing someone close to us is painful.
When this happens we are left with feeling an emptiness, a gap which
cannot be filled by anyone or anything else.
Grief is a response of our whole being to something we don't want to accept.
It is usually a painful experience
and it can take time ... sometimes years to work through.
If the feelings of grief are able to be accepted and expressed,
the intensity of the pain and the amount of time spent thinking about the one who has died
will lessen over time.
When we suppress grief it can effect us in other ways,
for example, we may become physically or mentally unwell, or
it may cause us to have a negative attitude towards life and
have a detrimental effect on the quality of our relationships with others.
Sometimes grief can be buried for many years
and when another loss is experienced,
oftentimes 'the earlier grief' re-surfaces.
Working through the next loss may be made much
more complicated by this unresolved grief from previous losses.
Grief makes us vulnerable.
Often the feelings of grief are overwhelming and
we feel lost and confused and even sometimes
wonder whether we are going out of our minds.
It is important to realise that grief is a normal human response and
to not be afraid of the feelings that we experience as they are a
normal and necessary part of the process of adjustment and healing.
Each person's grief will be unique,
as each relationship is unique,
but there are some
Initially you may be in a state of shock and be devoid of any emotions,
your feelings being completely numbed ...you may find it hard to believe
that the person has died...it may seem like a bad dream with
it's accompanying sense of unreality.
Then as the reality of what has happened sinks in, a wide range of emotions
such as sadness, anger, guilt, yearning, hopelessness and anxiety
may overwhelm you.
You may find you have difficulty concentrating on
anything and life may seem meaningless. You may feel an inner emptiness,
a heartache, or feel as if part of you has been amputated,
experiencing these emotions at a physical level.
You may suffer from sleep and appetite disturbances, anxiety,
agitation, ambivalence, absent-minded behaviour, and sometimes
dreams and hallucinations.
If the person has been ill for some time, you may also experience
relief as the person is no longer suffering and at the same time feel guilty for feeling this way.
On the other hand, sudden unexpected death increases the shock and disbelief experienced.
When someone close to you suicides, you can be totally overwhelmed
with the intensity and range of emotions that emerge.
A death such as this is often confusing and difficult to accept and process,
due to the mixed emotions of hurt, anger and guilt that is experienced.
IS IMPORTANT TO ACCEPT THESE
LOSS IN ONE'S
The loss of someone close to you is a devastating and painful experience,
however if you can allow yourselves
to move through this process by allowing, by feeling and
then by releasing the pain in conjunction with gaining support from
others who can listen and be with you, then in time, there are possibilities for
developing new strengths, new insights and
deeper relationships in your life.